


The Black Assassins and the Planet at the Edge of the Galaxy

by summerbutterfly



Category: Weiß Kreuz
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Space, Community: Weiss_kreuzmas, Gen, Humor, Snark, mild violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-18
Updated: 2012-12-18
Packaged: 2017-11-21 11:29:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/597222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/summerbutterfly/pseuds/summerbutterfly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On a mission to take down a data thief, the Black Assassins have a run-in with the newest Champions of Intergalactic Justice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Black Assassins and the Planet at the Edge of the Galaxy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Daegaer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daegaer/gifts).



> For weiss_kreuzmas 2012.

The navigator of the _Blackavar_ sat with his arms folded. The first officer sat beside him, feet propped up on the instrument panel. Outside, asteroids shot past at an alarming rate, but neither man expressed any sort of concern.

“How much further?” the first officer asked. 

The ship swerved, tilting slightly before righting itself. “Not much,” the navigator replied. “Why?”

“Because I’m tired of looking at rocks. All the pretty routes through this star system and you take us through the asteroid field.”

“The captain wanted haste. I’m hastening.” The navigator’s brow furrowed and the ship titled again. “Also, if you’re really bored, the _Koneko_ is right in front of us. You can play with them until we get where we’re going.” 

“Yes, I’ve noticed.” The first officer smiled. “I’ve been picking up their thought signatures for several leagues now. They’re anxious.”

“They should be.”

“You think?”

The navigator cast him a sidelong glance. “Have you ever known the captain to clear bystanders before he fires?”

The first officer’s lip twitched, but he didn’t respond. The ship took a sharp dive then slowed to almost a stop. 

Outside, a purple-blue planet loomed in the distance. 

“Is that it?” Footsteps indicated the captain’s approach. “Have we arrived?”

“It appears so.” The first officer swiveled in his chair. “And it appears the kittens plan on joining us, isn’t that great?”

Captain Crawford’s eyes narrowed. “I thought I warned them to stay out of the way.”

“You did,” the first officer said, “but they listen about as well as Farfarello does when he’s hungry. Which is to say, they don’t.”

“Well, I won’t be held responsible when they get caught in the crossfire.”

“Funny, I was just saying that, too.” The first officer folded his hands behind his head. “Where is Farfarello, anyway?”

“Nagi took him lunch before we left the Kyoto system. He’s probably sleeping.”

“Should I go get him?”

“Yes,” the captain affirmed. “We’re taking him with us when we land so it’s best to wake him up now.”

The first officer rose with a lazy smirk. “And the kittens?”

“We’ll deal with them later.” The captain grabbed his jacket off the back of the first officer’s chair. “Nagi, take us in.” 

*****  
The _Koneko_ docked on the edge of a massive lake, thrusters ticking softly as the engines cooled.

Four men came down the gangway.

“You sure it’s here?” An athletic man with the dark hair squinted into the foggy half-light. “This is a swamp, Omi.”

“The distress signal came from 61 degrees west.” A youth with a hand-held computer looked out across the lake. “61 West, 42 North, which is technically the middle of the lake but we can’t land there.”

“So the _Kritiker_ is under water?”

“I’m afraid so. But the ship was equipped with an oxygen reserve in the event of a water landing. If we hurry, we should be able to reach them in time.”

“And how are we going to get to the bottom of the lake?” The tallest among them twirled an unlit cigarette between his fingers. “I’m not much of a swimmer and that looks about as inviting as...well, nothing actually.” 

“We dive.” The man to his right unbuckled the cuffs of his floor-length trench. “It’s not like we don’t have submersion gear.”

“We dive?” The tall man scoffed. “How ‘bout you dive and I watch.”

“No. We _all_ dive, Yohji.” Omi put his hand-held in his pocket. “For something like this, we are all in, or the mission fails.”

“Fine.” Yohji put his unused cigarette away. “The things I do for you people.” 

“And we’re ever so grateful,” Ken quipped.

*****  
An alarm on _Blackavar_ ’s control panel beeped. 

The navigator looked down. 

“The _Koneko_ has landed,” he said. “61 West, 41.69 North.”

“So they are following the distress call?” Captain Crawford shook his head. “Idiots.”

“Do you think they know that that’s not actually the _Kritiker_?”

“Probably not. But they’re going to find out.”

“I’ve got Farfie.” The first officer announced his presence as he strolled onto the bridge followed by a sullen-looking humanoid with one eye and many scars. “Wide awake and ready to go...why are we in orbit?”

The navigator cast him a haughty glare. “This is a water planet, Schuldig. I can’t just drop the _Blackavar_ down onto unstable terrain. Also, we have to keep our presence hidden from the _Koneko_ , so no crashing through the atmosphere without a plan.”

The first officer waved a dismissive hand. “Plans are overrated. I can make sure they don’t see us.”

“You have to make sure they don’t see us, sense us or otherwise disrupt our mission.” The captain faced him. “They think their Captain Commander is at the bottom of a lake, and I don’t trust them to be smart enough to move out of the way when they find out he’s not. Nor do I trust them not to fire when they see us coming.”

“Their Captain Commander?” Schuldig looked confused. “Since when is their Captain Commander an alien tentacle monster?”

“The correct term is Octomangus,” Nagi informed him. “And he’s not. But they don’t seem to be aware that the distress call isn’t coming from the _Kritiker_.”

“If it’s the lead ship in their fleet, how do they not know this?”

Nagi shrugged. “Maybe I was too thorough when I scrambled the communication frequencies.”

Beside him, Captain Crawford suddenly went rigid. There was a moment of frozen stillness and then a slow smile spread across his lips. “No,” he said softly. “No, you did exactly what you were supposed to do, Nagi. And you did it very, very well.”

Schuldig raised an eyebrow. “Someone have a vision? What’s in store for us, fearless leader?”

“Nothing really. The kittens will have most of it taken care of by the time we land. All we have to do is swoop in, finish the job and get out payoff.” 

“Payoff, huh? I’m sold. Farfie?”

The humanoid nodded.

Crawford’s smile widened. “Then it’s time,” he said. “Nagi...”

“Yes, Captain.”

The ship shuddered. The nose dropped, and the _Blackavar_ shot into the atmosphere, afterburn leaving a smoky trail as they punched through outer layer.

******

“Aya!” The man named Ken swung his tank, knocking a thick, tentacle arm away from his teammate. The Octomangus roared, but Ken was too quick and pulled the other man out of harms way before the creature could land a blow. To their left, Omi and Yohji battled additional arms, slicing and stabbing, their small diving knives their only defense.

“Whose idea was this?” Yohji yelled. His voice was tinny over the suit-to-suit communication system. “And who said this was Persia?”

“It was the _Kritiker_ ’s signal.” Omi parried and thrust, dodging another tentacle strike. “The one that only comes through on the encrypted channel!”

“Well this isn’t the _Kritiker_ ,” Ken said. “And if we stay here much longer, we’re not going to have a chance to find out where the real _Kritiker_ went!”

“We need to get to the surface,” Aya said. “Omi?”

“On three,” Omi said. “One. Two...” 

Three sent the four of them kicking hard for the surface.

What they didn’t expect was for the Octomangus to follow.

******

They’d been docked for over fifteen minutes and Schuldig was getting bored. “Nothing’s happening,” he grumbled. “You said something was going to happen, Crawford.” 

“Patience.” The picture of calm, Crawford kept his eyes trained on the water. “They’ll be here shortly.”

“Not if they’re dead they won’t.”

“You know as well as I do that they’re not dead.” Amber eyes slid in Schuldig’s direction. “In fact, you should know better than anyone that they are very much alive.” 

“Well sure, the skanky one is panicking loud enough to wake the dead but still...”

His words were interrupted by an explosion. The center of the lake erupted, spewing water, and sending four bodies flailing. 

And right behind the bodies came eight thick, black tentacles.

“Here we go.” Crawford held out his hand as a rifle floated from the ship toward his palm. “Schuldig, take Farfarello and get the kittens. Nagi, use your power to keep Schuldig and Farfarello from falling into the lake.” 

Schuldig, eyes gleaming at the prospect of action, grinned. “You want them alive?”

“Killing them is no value to us, so yes. But let Farf take care of some of those arms. Where our friend is going, he won’t need them, and slowing him down will make his death a lot cleaner.”

“Since when do you like your deaths clean?”

“Stop arguing and obey my orders, Schuldig.” 

“Yes, sir.” 

Schuldig exchanged a look with Farfarello. Behind them, Nagi assumed a meditative position and then, with a flick of his hand, he sent the two of them out across the water, their feet skimming the surface as they sped toward the melee.

******

Yohji paddled, eyes wide and frantic. “ _This_ is why I don’t do water rescues!” he yelled. “This right here!” 

“You know, if you put half as much effort into swimming as you did into running your mouth, you’d be _out_ of the water,” Ken yelled back. “Where’s Omi?”

“Here!” Omi coughed as a wave crashed over his head. “Aya?”

“Aya’s halfway to shore already. We need to get going!”

“Awww, what’s the rush, little kitten?” 

A halo of orange hair loomed into Ken’s sightline. And before he knew it, he was lifted clear of the lake. 

“You,” he growled. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Us? Our job,” Schuldig replied. “But once again, you had to go get in our way.” 

“Oh so now we can’t even answer distress calls without your permission? Who died and made you president of the Federation?”

Instead of answering, Schuldig looked back over his shoulder and signaled to Nagi, who promptly lifted Omi and Yohji into the air, too. “No need for the drama,” he said. “We’re still operating independently, and we hold no desire to be presidents of anything. The problem is your multi-legged friend over there. We’ve been sent to put him out of business if you know what I mean.” 

“What does that have to do with us?” Omi demanded.

“Nothing,” Schuldig said. “As I was just telling Ken here, you’re in the way. And yes, ordinarily, we’d shoot you without a second thought, but the boss is feeling generous. He says you are of no value to us dead.”

“So...we’re getting rescued?” Yohji was the only one who seemed relieved. “Fair enough, I suppose.”

“Not rescued. Transferred. So you’re no longer blocking the shot.” 

“The shot?” Ken laughed. “You think you’re going to kill _that_ with a bullet?”

“Honey, anything is possible when you travel with a telekinetic.”

Schuldig grinned, wide and toothy. The kittens, at a loss for a response, hung in mid-air, dripping and looking at each other in confusion. From behind them, there was a terrible wail, and they were suddenly joined by a bloody humanoid with a knife between his teeth.

“Captain says retreat,” Farfarello informed them. “Also, Nagi says he has the red kitten, and that he’s being a jerk.”

“Color me surprised.” Schuldig floated over and took Ken and Omi under his arms. “Rage issues, that one. You got Yohji, Farf?”

Farfarello nodded. 

“Then let’s go.” 

Another signal and they were speeding back toward the shore. Nagi took them wide as Crawford was shouldering the rifle, getting ready to fire. There was another wail, and then the crack of a bullet. 

Seconds later, the Octomangus was floating lifeless in the water.

“Well, that’s that.” Crawford lowered the rifle. “Nagi, retrieve the files.” 

“Yes, sir.” Free of his human burdens, Nagi took out his own hand-held computer and tapped the screen. “Signal acquired.”

“Commence download.”

“Yes, captain.” 

“Hey! How did you get one of those?” Drenched and indignant, Omi glared in Nagi’s direction as he wrung out his socks. “That’s White Group technology, Naoe!” 

Nagi gave him a look of distain worthy of his captain and first officer. “Don’t flatter yourself, Tsukiyono. I built this months before the White Group had even heard of this kind of tech.”

“That’s impossible! I created that system!”

“Yeah, six months after I did.”

Omi’s face went red. 

Behind him, Yohji got to his feet. “So...uh...what did this...random tentacle guy do to make you shoot him?”

“Frank?” Crawford adjusted his glasses. “Frank was an information trafficker who stole some very delicate files from the Esset Corp. They didn’t really appreciate that, so they asked us to kindly get it back.”

“By killing him?”

“Frank was what you might call a repeat offender. We had to make sure it didn’t happen again. So we did.

“And you’re just going to...leave him there?”

“Would _you_ voluntarily haul an Octomangus corpse around the galaxy?”

“Point taken,” Yohji said, and Crawford turn to his crew. 

“If the files are done, it’s time for us to go.” 

“Thank the universe,” Schuldig said. “This place reeks.”

“It’s just swamp gas,” Nagi said. “Quit being a diva.” 

“You only say that because you don’t have to worry about swamp smell infesting your hair!” 

“Enough,” Crawford stepped in before Nagi could respond. “We have to get these files back to Esset headquarters. Schuldig, you will be piloting so Nagi can rest.” 

“Yes, sir.”

“What about us?” Ken asked. “You’re just going to leave us here?”

Crawford regarded him with a raised eyebrow. “Since you got yourselves here, I assume you’ll have no problems leaving. But even if you do, you’re not my responsibility. I’ve already spared your lives today. Don’t test the bounds of my generosity.” 

Miffed, Ken scrambled to his feet, aiming for Crawford.

Yohji held him back. “Let it go, Ken. And let them go. They’re right. We’ve got to get home.”

“Listen to him, Ken.” Schuldig shot them a wink as he meandered up the gangway. “Sometimes, the tramp knows better than the lady, you know?”

With a finger wave, he disappeared into the _Blackavar_ ’s underbelly. Crawford and Nagi followed, leaving only a bloody Farfarello on the weedy shore.

No one said anything else until long after Farfarello had taken his leave.

******

“That was a good, clean job today.” Schuldig ran his finger over the touch screen of Nagi’s navigation panel, bringing the ship around a cluster of space junk. “Your foresight is a great asset, fearless leader.” 

“It is.” Crawford sat in Schuldig’s usual seat, eyes on the starry darkness. “Though it wouldn’t be much without the collective powers of the team. Oddly enough, we work well together.”

“We do.” Schuldig typed in a few numbers, setting a steady course. “You were right to bring the other two on board.”

“Are you saying you questioned my judgment?”

“No. I’m just saying that I had my misgivings. Two total strangers could have really screwed up our working relationship.”

“But it didn’t.”

“No...it didn’t.”

They were quiet for a moment, lulled into stillness by the hum of the engines. “So what’s on tap from here?” Schuldig asked. “Any ideas?” 

“Vague ones. I do know Esset is going to be very pleased.”

“Yeah? Like, increase-the-payoff pleased?”

“More along the lines additional-work pleased. They have a lot of people they don’t like that we could handily dispose of for them.”

Schuldig chuckled. “Working for Esset will mean a lot more run-ins with the kittens.”

“Probably. But they’re not much of a threat.”

“True. But imagine for a moment if we could ever get them to come over to our side. We’d be unstoppable.”

Crawford folded his hands in his lap. “Don’t put it out of your mind,” he said. “There may come a time where an eight member team could be...very useful.”

“You think?”

“I do.” 

The two men were quiet, each mulling over their thoughts.

The _Blackavar_ sailed on.


End file.
